Look, There's Only Dogshit in, Like, a Third of the Cake: Best Movies of 2017

Movies did not have as solid of a year as video games. That's a pretty tall order, though, and it also doesn't take into account that film culture is much less exclusionary and shitty than game culture (though, as this year demonstrated, it's still a very shitty culture). Nevertheless, there were still a lot of really interesting movies last year. Which is great, because there was definitely a need to do anything but live life as normal last year. Here we go! Top 10! Yeah!

Look, I Found A Hot Dog In the Garbage! Best Games of 2017

So, let's get this out of the way: I'm sorry I haven't written jack shit on here for so long. I'd like to blame it entirely on 2016 and 2017 being dogshit, on moving from the Bay Area to Portland, on starting a new job, and on a million other things. But the fact is, regardless of all this, I have been content to not write and do other things instead. I'm hoping to change that in the new year, with much more regular updates and a variety of different kinds of pieces. Look forward to it (or don't, it's your life, I'm not the boss of you).

Rest in Pepperonis, fucker

Wait, a post that's written words? That can still happen?

It's a bad time down at Walgreens.

Sam Jabbers About: Snowpiercer

Whoa, a VIDEO?!? What sorcery is this???

(I spoil the shit out of Snowpiercer and, for some reason, Precious, so CW for rape, violence, cannibalism, and STDs)

Review: The Rock

Yeah, he's pretty cool.   His front teeth look kinda weird though, but whatever.  Straight teeth are for nerds. 10/10

Wait, is there another one???

The Fart of the Deal

Political analysts and pundits genuinely baffle me sometimes with how distant from reality their observations can be.  Not even in a particular direction--the fact that there are pundits that both know how to read and insist that people like Ted Cruz or Donald "flotsam head" Trump wouldn't turn the White House into an open sewer doesn't surprise me, because in most cases there's a clear reason why that particular person would behave this way (money or hatred of brown people, usually).  But with another presidential election coming up, people are starting to talk about how _______ candidate can persuade voters outside of their expected constituency.  Donald "wood grain" Trump will never win any discerning moderate voters, they might say, or Bernie Sanders' economic policies will persuade some Trump supporters, or you can tell I'm a pundit because it's a well-known fact that pundits only speak in italics.  The vocal surgery that lets us do this is very expensive, so we're going to use it every chance we get.